Sweet Nothing

Things have changed. The turbulent, unhappy feelings I felt are gone.

In it’s wake are all the things I left behind, waiting for me to return and pick them up. I want them back. I want those things more than I want you to care about me. For a few months now I wanted you to care about things happening in my life. I wanted you to show even the slightest bit of interest.

The things I want now: I’m going to get them.

It’s going to be so easy letting you go. There’s not even a hollow in my chest or my life where you fit. There are only important things I’ve been ignoring in the meantime. I am sad for temporarily abandoning the people I should be caring about and expending my energy on people who didn’t equally care about me. My only hope is that the folks in my life who do care welcome me back.

I am sad that I let important things wallow while I obsessed about trying to get close to you. Both of you. Either of you.

Cause you’re not even a good friend. To me.

When was the last time you asked about me? When was the last time you genuinely celebrated…with me?

No. Because it’s all about you.

I’m putting together this beautiful piece of work filled with people who love and care about me. Why do I keep forgetting about these people? They matter to me. They celebrate successes, they are around for failures. They put energy and meaning into my life.

You’ve put nothing but bad feelings, uncertainty and doubt.

“Those patterns take away my time.”

I’m coming back. Oh god, I’m coming back. I thought I was lost but I’m coming back.

Thanks for all the sweet nothing. I hope you are prepared for a lot of it in return.

“The world is not around because of you. You know I’m not around because of you.”

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